I Chose to Praise

I have a song that seems to reflect my life right now. Have you heard 'I will praise you in this storm' by Casting Crowns? If not, you need to. A few of the lyrics go like this: I will praise you in this storm I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am And every tear I cry You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm Sometimes we find ourselves in a place we don't want to be. A situation that is completely out of our control. A storm that leaves us torn in pieces. That is where I find myself, in the middle of a marriage separation and a single mother to three very confused children. It is not the place I would chose for myself and it is definitely not what I want right now. I may not have a choice in what is happening, however, I do have a choice in how I approach this. Has anyone ever told you to be careful what you pray for because God has a funny way of answering prayers? It is true. You see, for the last several weeks, I have prayed specifically that God would use me to further His kingdom. Today, thanks to another amazing church service, I felt my Heavenly Father like I haven't felt Him in a while. I felt Him asking me if I truly meant what I said. Am I willing to be used HOWEVER He needs me or am I only willing to be used when it is easy? What if being His vessel means something so difficult, so heartbreaking, that it rocks the core of my earthly foundation? The same song goes on to say: I lift my eyes up to the hill Where does my help come from My help comes from the Lord The Maker of heaven and earth Now comes the good part. God also promises that 'In all things, He works for the good of those who love Him.' Being God's vessel may not be easy. It might feel like more than we can handle at times. But in the end, God works for the good of those who love him. And isn't that worth it? Isn't it an honor to think that God might use someone as sinful and broken as myself for His works? Not because He needs my help, but because through the fire, I might come out refined. And in the process, someone else might discover the extraordinary love of our Father. What an honor. What a blessing. What a legacy. So, I say it again. Lord, use me as you see fit. Let me be your vessel. And I will praise you.

Perseverance - a lesson in 'strong will'

I am sure you have all heard us say how strong willed Caydee is and what a challenge that can be. Ever so often, we will meet someone who sees the potential of a strong will in the future and it carried us through some tough situations. I always pictured this as a benefit to a grown up Caydee. However, God sees things differently and today He gave me a glimpse into what a blessing a determined mind can be.

Caydee is learning to read. Actually, it is not so much learning to read as improving her reading skills. And, just as her personality would indicate, Caydee doesn't just settle for easy books, but shoots for the moon. Today, it was a Fancy Nancy Christmas book. As she struggled with yet another word and Eric and I were getting short on patience (as reading also means our complete attention), we suggested she take a break and we would work on it when we got home. (Did I mention that we were in the van, driving to Fort Collins?) Silly us. Caydee's response, in a rather pouty voice, was to tell us that she would keep reading without our help. Then she continued to finish the book on her own. When she finished, she read it again.

This left me in awe of the blessing that can be found in her determination. I also found myself wishing that I had that same perseverance. How many projects have I left unfinished? How many times have I given up before the task was accomplished?

This is the great wonder of being a mom. Each time I get too confident in my role, when I think that I am the one to teach and guide, I am given a stark reminder of what I can learn from this journey. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be taught these wonderful lessons. God is great. Being a mom is great. And the next time I want to complain about Caydee's strong will, feel free to remind me that determination/perseverance is great also.